The Fifteen Best Comic Book Movies of All Time! (Nos. 15-11)

April 28, 2008

Cinemabuzz Writer Guy (CWG): It’s Iron Man Week, you sonsofbitches! And to kick the Week off, we have collaborated with the guys over at Comicology and Face Rockery to give you a list of what we think are the Fifteen Best Comic Book Movies of All Time. And if you want to find out how we came up with this list, take a couple minutes to read this first before proceeding with this entry.  Done? Gravy.

 

Face Rockery Writer Guy (FWG): Let’s get this party started!

 

Comicology Writer Guy (CWG): I’m so stoked!

 

CWG: Holy crap, Comicology Writer Guy! We have the same initials!

 

CWG: That is AWESOME!

 

CWG: Haha, Face Rockery Writer Guy has different initials! What a loser!

 

CWG: (Points as Facerockery Writer Guy) HAHAHA! LOOOOOSEEEEERRR!

 

FWG: Cockheads.

 

Cinemabuzz: Okay then! Let’s get this show on the road with Numero Fifteen-O!

 

#15: The Punisher (6.53/10)

 

Cinemabuzz: With a bullet, almost literally, Thomas Jane punishes his way into the gates of The Comic Book Movie Castle with 2004’s The Punisher. Also, count the number of cheesy puns and figures of speech in that last sentence and win a prize! A prize of NOTHING!

 

Anyway, I thought it wasn’t as bad as many people say it was. I mean come on. Women, children, and the elderly were being gunned down within the first fifteen minutes of the film.

 

Face Rockery: I like guns as much as the next social retard, but I expected more out of a Punisher movie. Maybe something more gritty. It felt like the usual “They killed his family, and now he’s going to kill THEM!” action movie. The fight with the Russian was awesome, though.

 

Comicology: The premise of the comic book isn’t exactly as fantastic or as colorful as other characters from the industry, so making a movie out of something that would seem like a cookie-cutter action flick while successfully integrating comic book-y bits of it. Though Thomas Jane did a better job voicing the video game than the movie itself, I’d say Punisher did what it set out to do. 

 

#14: Daredevil (6.67/10)

Cinemabuzz: The List scores yet another coup, as the critically-lambasted Daredevil makes it at Number 14.

 

I think the problem with Mark Steven Johnson is that he simply picks the wrong guys to play his leads. Casting Nicolas Cage as Johnny Blaze was like getting Samuel L. Jackson to play Bill Gates.

 

And in Daredevil’s case, I doubt that people would be hating it as much if Ben Affleck weren’t Matt Murdock.

 

Face Rockery: You said it, Cinemabuzz Writer Guy! I loved how they visualized Daredevil’s powers. I loved Jennifer Garner as Elektra (shut up). I even loved the scar on Bullseye’s forehead. But my hatred for Affleck trumps everything that I loved about the movie. Boo for you, Ben!

 

Comicology: If you’re going to be a purist about it, you’re going to fucking hate Daredevil. He is defined by justice, yes, but he doesn’t go around letting people get run over by trains. Hell, he saved Bullseye before.

 

Unfortunately, I still loved the movie. Like Face Rockery Guy said, the way they visualized something that was supposedly impossible to visualize was fantastic. The limitation was that the screen couldn’t go 360 degrees.

 

The best way to enjoy this movie is to treat it as if it were an elseworlds title.

 

DD got bonus points for using the names of former DD writers and artists as background characters, and even more bonus points for Kevin Smith, the super nerd who got rich being a douche.

 

#13: Blade (6.83/10)

 

Cinemabuzz: Okay, so I really am starting to hate the fact that I’m getting the ass end of this list, because at number 13, we have Blade, which was just “okay” for me. But to its credit, it probably spearheaded the comic book movie renaissance of the late 1990s.

 

I remember it like it was yesterday… Supermans (Supermen?) III and IV pretty much killed the niche, only for it to be resuscitated by Burton’s Batman movies. And then a man by the name of Joel Schumacher came along. You know the rest.

 

But a tiny vampire movie was released by New Line Cinema in the summer of 1998 to little fanfare, but ended up grossing $130 million worldwide. Its gritty, less campy feel pretty much paved the way for a new breed of more serious comic book movies, which, with the help of advances in CGI, seem like a far departure from its predecessors.

 

Face Rockery: I didn’t even realize that it was Blade from the comics until I read some of the reviews. Being in the C-List of Marvel’s stable of characters didn’t really do much for the movie, but a black guy slicing and dicing rave-going vampires that include Traci Lords with his ultra shiny sword? That’s a recipe for success for any movie. In fact, I propose that all movies contain at least one black guy cutting techno vampires in half.

Comicology: Blade went under the radar for so long, there were some people who were surprised that Blade was even a Marvel character. And if they did remember him, they remembered Blade to be some guy in green tights, prancing around, pissing vampires off.

 

I agree with Mr. Rockery, but let’s do him one better- every movie should have Wesley Snipes cutting up vampires in rave bars. Well, at least, after he gets out of jail.

 

#12: Hulk (6.93/10)

 

Cinemabuzz: So Face Rockery and Comicology gave this a score of 7.0 and 4.8 respectively, but with my 9.0, Hulk’s sitting at Number 12, baby!

 

Okay, I’m just going to start rambling now - I just fell in love with it. Eric Bana wasn’t the most convincing Bruce Banner, but the story more than made up for that. And Sam Elliott was dead-the-fuck-on as Thunderbolt Ross. The graphics seemed crisp. I honestly believed that Nick Nolte’s performance was Oscar-worthy. That fight in the clouds right at the end was hella cool. I just used “hella” in a sentence. I want to own a Jennifer Connelly. Where might I be able to purchase one? Who are you?

 

Face Rockery: Unlike most people, I kind of liked this big bag of brutish emo. Sure, I would have liked it better if it was more action-oriented, but Ang Lee’s dramafest didn’t bother me that much because really, how can I complain when Mr. Lee gave us the gift of HULK FIGHTING TANKS?!

 

Comicology: How the fuck did this get in? Hulk, by nature of the comics, has always been an inner struggle between the man and the monster that wants to let loose. But it was never this gay. I’m not saying being gay is bad, but if Hulk were gay, we’d all be screwed. Literally.

 

Oh, and gamma puppies that came out of nowhere… what the fuck?

 

#11: Superman (7.00/10)

Cinemabuzz: Alright, now we’re talking. Personally, I liked Superman Returns a little more, but given the historical significance of this 1978 Richard Donner classic, it would have been a shame not to see this film on The List.

 

First of all, Christopher Reeve IS Superman. It’s just one of those things that need to be accepted as fact.

 

Gene Hackman and Marlon Brando as Lex Luthor and Jor-El respectively weren’t too shabby, as well. Lastly, you’ve got a screenplay by Mario Puzo to boot.

 

Face Rockery: Yeah. As much as Bryan Singer wants us to believe that Superman Returns is the Superman movie of our generation, I have to superstrongly disagree. Donner’s Superman is still an awesome comic book movie even by today’s standards.

 

Comicology: When you think Superman, what comes into your head? That’s right- TAN NA NAN TAN TA TAN TAN TAN! That’s how iconic it is.

 

But yeah, sure, it was cheesy as fuck. But it was a milestone in comic book movies. Now, if only Christopher Reeve would quit being dead and crippled, he could do another Superman movie.

 

Cinemabuzz: We’re done with Part One! Check out Face Rockery tomorrow to find out which ranked 10th to 6th on Our List! And on Wednesday, visit Comicology for our Top Five Comic Book Movies of All Time!